Heroic Atheists Rescue Students From Hearing “God Bless America”

Atheists at the Freedom From Religion Foundation were alarmed when they got the call. Quick, Darwinists, to the Batmobile! No time to explain! A parent from Springfield, Pennsylvania has filed a complaint! No, Jeffords, they’re not praying in class. No, they’re not teaching the Gospel in the cafeteria. No, they’re not handing out Bibles, Jeffords, stop guessing! The principal at Sabold Elementary School is concluding his morning announcements by saying “God bless America.” No, this is serious, Jeffords, start the car. We’ve got some God-busting to do!

“When a public school regularly proclaims, ‘God bless America,’ it sends a message to its students that the school is endorsing and compelling belief in God,” the heroes at FFRF wrote in a letter to the school district.

Yes, after a single parent complained about Principal Peter Brigg’s years-old tradition of saying “God bless America” every morning, both Sabold Elementary School and the Springfield School District leaped into action, shutting the practice down without a single moment’s hesitation.

“Sabold Elementary School has ceased its practice of announcing the slogan, ‘God bless America’ over the loudspeaker immediately following the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance,” an attorney for the district explained. “None of the schools in the school district currently engages in this practice.”

“We’re gratified,” a FFRF spokesman proclaimed. “Young elementary school children don’t need to be coerced into affirming God’s name every morning.”

Yes, truly you have saved a generation in crisis.

Some parents don’t see it that way. Suzanne Hoffman told CNN that the phrase was a well-loved tradition in this country, and she didn’t see the harm in saying it.

“Every president has said ‘God Bless America.’ It’s the right thing to do,” Hoffman said. “I try to instill in my kids every day the sense of unity and community and patriotism, and that’s what I’ll continue to do with my kids. They will continue to say ‘God Bless America.’”

Oh, well, that’s where you went wrong, Ms. Hoffman. Don’t you know that words like “patriotism” are verboten in today’s America? Almost as dangerous as the word “God.” Why, one might wonder if you are even an ally of illegal immigrants. One might even wonder if you are a…ugh, we can’t even say it…a…an…EASTER WORSHIPER!

Way to go, atheist heroes. Another job well done.

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