Intersectionalist feminist writer Lara Witt (pause for eyeroll) has published a list of ten questions that any conscientious feminist should ask on a first date, and boy this list is a doozie. It should go without saying that if you hear even ONE of the following questions on a date – or even anything similar to one of these questions – you should probably steer your date away from the lobster and get out of there as quickly as possible. Or, if you’re the kind of person who likes to get a little confrontational with these whackos, why not have some fun with your answers? Either way, at least you’ll know what you’re getting into.
Or, better yet, avoiding like the plague.
“As a queer femme of color,” Witt writes (pause for another eyeroll), “I keep close relationships with people who go beyond allyship; they’re true accomplices in the fight against white supremacy, queerphobia, and misogyny. If you’re not going to support marginalized folks, then we can’t be friends, let alone date. The personal is political.
“Beyond the lovely cushioning, happiness and support that we receive from our platonic relationships (which are, in all honesty, soul-feeding and essential), feminists also date,” Witt reveals. “But there are questions we have to ask before we get close to someone.”
Do you believe that Black Lives Matter? Ugh, check please!
What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation? Here, Witt expounds with this baffling sentence: “Ignoring trans-misogynoir would be to deny one of the biggest, most despicable problems that we face.” While putting aside our feelings about the faux-academic veneer these feminists like to coat their phony issues in, we’ll just say flat-out that NOTHING that starts with “trans” has anything to do with even the top 1,000 problems the world faces right now. To even think so is laughable.
How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life? “Walk away from anyone who believes that ‘boys will be boys’ and that women are supposed to be mothers because we’re nothing but ambulatory incubators.” To which we’ll just say it is impossibly sad to think of a woman who dismisses the entire, beautiful role of motherhood down to the biological functions involved. But this gives you an idea of how desperate these weirdos are to distance themselves from society.
Witt also recommends that feminists ask their unwitting and increasingly-regretful dates the following questions: “What are your thoughts on sex work?”; “Are you a supporter of the BDS movement? (Read: Are you as anti-Israel as your average Islamic terrorist?)”; “What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights? Read: Are you properly horrified about America’s discovery?).”
In addition to these, feminists must make sure their dates are anti-capitalist, pro-illegal immigration, and pro-Islam.
She concludes with the tenth question: “Does your allyship include disabled folks?”
“On a date with someone who uses ableist slurs? Walk away,” she suggests.
Which seems like rather odd advice for the culmination of the article, until you realize that SHE realizes that any feminist who bombards a suitor with these questions on a first date is going to hear the word “crazy” before the appetizers arrive. This last bit of advice gives them a way to leave with their – cough – dignity intact.